Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Checking In

Also making sure to let you all know that I am still alive and kicking, or may be I should say alive and being kicked.  This is middle of week 4 of adulting.  The first week was rough, with literal, heaving panicky moments of wanting to crawl back into the cocoon, I had just left.  That feeling has slowly abated, can't say it's fully gone.  Interestingly, Friday comes really fast but so does Monday.

I am slowly learning, why I was so heavily recruited for this job.  In a moment of realization, I finally admitted to my husband a few nights ago, that I do feel that I can do this and I am seeing what I am bringing to this position.  Talk about late self realization.


Managing doctors is never easy, pleasant or rewarding.  You are talking about people, who do not take orders well and who do not like to be told what to do and how to do it.  While it is a good quality in the context of patient care, though I think that is debatable too, but it poses numerous challenges for administration. 


That being said, doctors are a small part of my challenge in my new job.  It is the lack of processes, procedures and organization, that drives me up the wall.  I had thought, I would be walking into a house that needs slight renovation, but I walked into one of my dreams, prior to starting this job. 

It was the house that needed a complete gut job and had only one bathroom, that was fully remodeled, functioning and beautiful, right in the middle of a hoarder's family's worst nightmare.  I remember interpreting the dream for my therapist and while it seemed to make perfect sense, about my anxiety with the new job, I never realized how vivid that dream was, until I started working. 

All I know right now is that, it didn't get this way overnight and I won't be able to mend it overnight.  I tell myself this everyday and I try to focus on one thing at a time.  It is a struggle every day because my impatient self wants to fix everything but my rational side keeps me grounded and realistic.  I don't want to crash and burn, so I have decided to let the fire build slowly, so it can last longer and stronger.  So until I check back next time, which will be probably after my board exam in September, send me "hang in there" vibes. 

On a positive note, no PRITE post this year but something worst than PRITE looms.  The good thing is that once done with the board though, I have a long break from taking anymore exams.  So passing this one, literally means, adios for standardized tests for a long time, or may be forever because who knows, what I will be doing when it's time to renew board certification in a decade.


See you all in a few more weeks.