PRITE Scores Are In

I was dreading this day for days.  I mean let's be honest; who am I kidding here?  Just because I am in second year of my residency, doesn't mean that I have miraculously stopped sucking at standardized testing.

C.S Lewis says "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”  

Guess what my desire is?  Yup you got it. I want standardized testing to choke on it's own saliva and die.  I think it's time for me to find the wardrobe and may be I will find Narnia.  

Rewind to last year December when I broke all records of doing terrible on a test.  I had to search high and low to console myself that I have done worst but I couldn't.  Even my Mount Everest of USMLE looked like a sand dune in front of my epic and colossal bad performance on PRITE as a PGY-1.  Okay well I had a few silver linings as in my Neurology/Child and Psychosomatic scores but I am sure you get the picture.  Anyway I had big plans to change things in 2013 but I am not sure when I fell off of that train.  I do remember getting on it but it must have been a very bumpy start because I don't remember anything else. 

I blocked the shame and went on with my first year.  July brought euphoria as I became the "Upper Level Resident" and the weekend call grind came to a screeching halt and along came Polly the post call day.  I remember August brought back the panic partially because I realized that I was still dozing off at the train station and also because I had more luggage this time around with increased responsibility of being a chief. Those bags are pretty heavy let me tell you.  I am a sucker for punishment as my therapy supervisor says because why else would I agree to be a chief in 2nd year?  Who does that?  

Generally when residents prepare for in service exams they tend to concentrate on past exams and questions.  Seems pretty simple and does wonders for most people but I'd be damned if my brain worked that way.  I wish it did but it just doesn't.  So I found my Kaplan and Saddock in a box sitting in the garage of my new home that I had just moved into.  Yes I moved - twice - in 4 months.  I told you I am a sucker for punishment.  I dusted it off and promised the study gods that this time it's real.  
And what do you know the gods must really have believed me because right before I was supposed to start another month of inpatient in September; my awesome program coordinator asked me about switching it to a study elective because some one had to switch their elective for a different rotation.  You can't ask for a better alignment of stars now can you?  Alas I need more than just stars aligned and double rainbows and unicorns eating jellybeans. Really, where is that darn wardrobe?  

Long story short, the dreaded 2 days of testing left me completely dazed esp. the second day. Who writes this exam?  I cannot believe that I actually missed USMLE after taking this torture spanned over 2 days. I actually missed the insane logic of those questions, though at that time they seemed worthy of being tossed into the Bermuda Triangle never to be found again.  It took me days to overcome the assault on my senses after those two days in October.  

And then I got the envelop.  It was staring at me in my inbox.  I opened it and instantly remembered why I hate standardized testing.  Too bad it can't choke and die nor can I ship it to Bermuda.  There is no Narnia for me either.  But I found my silver lining this time as well.  I don't have to spell it for you.  You have probably figured out that I didn't do particularly well this year as well but my misery has some solace in knowing the even though I sucked but I did it more knowledgeably this year.  The euphoria I felt as an upper level has gradually transformed into a mature awareness that I know more this year than I did last year and that I have started my ascent to the top of Mount Impossible.  

This year I will stay on the train and make sure it gets me where I need to go next October.  And really I don't want to end up eating a whole packet of Dove chocolates again after the onslaught that is called the PRITE.  Because if there is anything that I hate more than standardized testing, is having to buy elastic waistband pants for work because my real wardrobe may not lead me to an unknown world but it sure does keep me happy in my own.